Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Passages...


Here I stand at the onset of another year, it's but a step across the threshold, but it feels like I'm perched on a precipice ready to fall into the abyss. I study the sands of time left in my year as they fall through my fingers and settle on the ground at my feet.

Shifting through the granules with the toe of my shoe, I unsettle the sands. Some rise, and carried by the wind of ages, they flutter in the space about me, sparkling like diamonds in a night sky. I search for moments of meaning. There are fulfilled dreams, echoes of laughter and tears, moments of joy and sorrow, times of courage and fear. They are etched in my memory, as unforgettable as each breath I take.

But while those memories have meaning, many more of the time passages that filled my year still lay at my feet, heavy and blank. They are banal, misused, and misspent. Putting them together I can build endless days of nothingness.



Shamed by the wasted minutes, I long to pick them up, tuck them back in an hour glass and flip time. Then I could relive them, spend them, but the year is drawing to a close; I'll never hold them again. I scoot some away with my foot hoping noone will notice.


The last granule of time slides slowly through my fingers. A strong breeze circles my legs and sweeps the remaining moments of the year past away. I study the year ahead, it is bright with promise, with dreams. I am excited to face the unknown that spans the distance before me. Yet, I am fraught with fear.

Is this really a step or a precipice?

I study my empty hands and draw them, clenched, to my chest, afraid to gather another year. What if I squander it?

I could try harder. I could do better.

I resolve to make no resolutions. No resolutions, no failure. And yet a part of me, something deep in my spirit, wants to take that first step toward tomorrow and fly. I want to take that first step and achieve. I want to take that first step and dream.

My inner longing skips forward. My feet inch toward eternity like a slug. I close my eyes and hold out my hand. Ready to grasp the new year. Praying I won't fill overwhelmed when it fills my hand.

It's daunting to think about a year, all 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds of it to be exact.

My fingers tense, and begin to draw shut. I hold my hands higher.

Oh God, please give me the wisdom to spend this new year wisely. Please don't let me squander it.

When I open my eyes, and lower my hands, I find they are filled with the seconds, minutes and hours of but one day. I blink and look again. Can that be right? One day? I turn my eyes heavenward as a new thought pushes into my head.

Had I failed so miserably the prior year that God could no longer trust me with more than a day?

I want to weep. Tears fill my eyes, and begin to track along my cheeks.

The winds of heaven caress my face and assure me that God wasn't holding time back because of my failures. I am reminded that God's mercies are new every morning.

I can dream for a lifetime of tomorrows, but a lifetime is made in the moments that build a day. A month is built by the accomplishment of days and a year is forged by months. I have only to face the new day to begin my journey, and merely the minute at hand, God the architect of my life, the one who knows the beginning and end of my story, will walk with me and guide me. I have only to hold out my hand and believe.


Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.    Matthew 6:33-34

5 comments:

Kathleen L. said...

Now I'm scared I'm going to squander the New year. LOL no, that was beautiful. That scripture at the end put it all into perspective. Lovely imagery.
May God bless your 2010 in ways you couldn't have dreamed.
xx oo
Kathy

StephB said...

That was well said. Very fluid and lyrical, Tina. Thanks for sharing. I go forward into the new year with positive thoughts.

Smiles
Steph

Don Krause said...

Your last paragraph summarizes what I have concluded must be my approach to the new year: draw grace sufficient for one day at a time even as Israel could gather only sufficient manna for one day at a time. Thanks for your response to my Loop
Don

Mid Stutsman said...

Thank you for a wonderful perspective. A new year starts each morning... God is so good!!

Thank you for the sweet comment on the loop.
Blessings,

Tina Pinson said...

You're most welcome, Mid,

and Kathleen, Steph, Don, and Mid thanks so much for coming by. A new year does indeed start everyday.


May God richly bless your days and all your endeavors too.