After nearly 20 years in Grand Junction, where my hubby and I planned to buy a cabin in the hills by a lake and live out our retirement in the cool hills of Colorado, my plans were thwarted.
Yes Thwarted. Smushed (if that's a word, if not, I like it) Burned. Erased.
Okay they were changed and they were changed against my wishes. (like I always have a say so.)
And now we live in sunny and HOT Arizona. Did I mention it was HOT.
I had a lovely green lush yard in Grand Junction. Okay honestly, most of the lushness of my yard came from crabgrass which I was constantly battling, because it encroached on everything and I did find it quite irritating the way it could choke out my vegetables. But I had mature trees for shade and flowering bushes to give color and ambiance. Oh and shade for the dogs on hot summer days.
Now, while several people around me, have trees and pools, I have a dirt brown yard with two sheds a half of a swing set, where I grow stickers and weeds and am trying to grow bermuda grass.
How Ironic that I'm missing my crabgrass. Even my dogs don't like to tread in the back dirt. They tiptoe along the edges.
People say that this move is a blessing. I know God's hand is in it, he orchestrated every step. I realize sometimes we all need to get out of our ruts. Frankly, I didn't look at my trailer as a rut. And I miss it.
But in all honesty, here is Arizona, I'm praying for those Springs in the Desert the Lord promises, and I am trying to look at this move as a new and awesome adventure. I believe the Lord has plans for me, Jeremiah 29: 11 isn't my favorite verse for nothing. I believe the Lord has something wonderful for me and mine, I'm just having a bit of a time seeing it.
And though I'm trying to envision how I can change this drab landscape behind my house, and everyone keeps telling me you settle in everything will be okay, I'm still prone to shed a tear for the world I left behind. I bought a couple of trees and some oleander, but rose- colored glasses don't change much when your surveying a dirt yard. I just don't want my life to become that dirt yard, I want the color, the vividness of life. I want this desert to flower.
I'm praying for all the Lord has in store for me and what he wants for me to do. I'm praying for his grace and mercy with me. I know being here will give me more outlets for my writing and since I have a new contract for three books through Desert Breeze Publishing, that is a good thing. I know my husband didn't have work in Grand Junction and moving here gave him the opportunity to continue working on planes like he loves to. Two of my children even moved here as well. Though I still miss the son I left behind, and my grandchildren too. I am settling. I think I am.
But let's be honest, when the mercury hits 117 and I feel like I'm in a sweat tent, and I have to trip out across my back dirt yard just so my dogs will take the plunge into the heat, I find I miss my home in Colorado.
I miss my rut.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
I Miss My Rut.
Award Winning author Tina Pinson resides in Grand Junction, Colorado with Danny, her husband of thirty-five plus years. They are blessed to have three sons, and nine grandchildren. It is her prayer that her stories, though fiction, will transport you to worlds beyond and touch your spirit and give you a closer insight to yourself and God.