Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My Rut Part II

If you've read my previous posts, I've lamented this move from Colorado to Arizona and done a fairly good job of it. So I thought I'd tell you about the blessings about this move and where life was at when the prospect of moving to Arizona was put before us.

Everything was wonderful and awesome and... no wait... it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops...

We were losing our business of 7 years, and heading for bankruptcy. We had started another business, but the economy wasn't carrying it either. So we started another small avionics business, yep we did two different jobs and that didn't cut it either. Danny, my husband, got a call about a business in Arizona that was looking for an avionics man. We at first said no way, ARIZONA. We had plans to stay in Colorado.

So we plugged away at our businesses, going further in debt, growing further agitated that God wasn't providing like he promised and with us working so hard, when the call came again. Still, stubborn as we are, we kind of shrugged it off. God wasn't going to uproot us from our home, he would bring the business to keep us in Colorado. And we worked harder to see that happen, used up our savings, our energy, maybe even our faith a bit, but it never did.

Then the call came again, this time with a precursor that they were going to put out an ad for someone if Danny chose not to accept the call. Still uncertain, or perhaps stubborn, we decided to ask if Danny and our son could work part time back and forth, that would allow us to run our businesses in Colorado and keep our home as well. We could it for a time, it would work. After a year, we'd get caught up financially and we have our businesses going better too. We would plug away and prove to God what good stewards we were and how much we wanted to be in Colorado.

One month into the transition between jobs and states, proved that it couldn't be done. Danny and our son found a small apartment for cheap, and rotated between jobs, Danny would go to Arizona and our son would work in Colorado, they would overlap for a couple weeks in each place, sounds like a mind drain already and a drain on finances as well. And there wasn't enough time or energy to keep two businesses going and work four weeks out of state. Funny, but people like to find someone at the business every day of the week pretty much or they head off to your competitor.

So we let one business go, amazingly, God lined up buyers in the first day. And we cleaned it out in a week. We kept the small avionics business, but knew that while it did better than the tire business, we couldn't keep it forever either. We would have to let it go. And we couldn't afford to run two households.

God wanted us in Arizona. Why... remains to be seen, maybe for rest, for blessing, for more, but he choreographered every step that we took in the journey that got us here.

I do have an appreciation for this move, really I do. We were down to our last dime in savings, stubbornly hanging on with our fingertips waiting for God to move in Colorado, when he had formulated plans for our lives elsewhere.

Will we be here forever, who knows. Ask me how I feel about that right now and you could probably figure out my answer. Ask me another day and... well, who knows what tomorrow will bring?

In my last post I told you that I was relying on God's promises for me. I certainly plan to try. Plan to take hold of what's before me.

I have a new landscape for my home, my writing, my life. Yes even that dirt brown weeded yard is a new canvas on which to make my mark. And who knew Arizona was as rich in history as Colorado? I don't have to watch my husband leave for a month at a time, I get to be with him and some of my family here in Arizona.

See, I may have lamented the move and the fact that I'm living in a new and strange land, but trust me... I can see the Springs in the Desert too.

And gathering from some of the comments I received from my last post, there are some of you wishing to be out of the ruts your life has become. So I pray the same for you. May you find your springs in the deserts of your life. And my you realize that God was there all along.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I Miss My Rut.

After nearly 20 years in Grand Junction, where my hubby and I planned to buy a cabin in the hills by a lake and live out our retirement in the cool hills of Colorado, my plans were thwarted.

Yes Thwarted. Smushed (if that's a word, if not, I like it) Burned. Erased.

Okay they were changed and they were changed against my wishes. (like I always have a say so.)
And now we live in sunny and HOT Arizona. Did I mention it was HOT.

I had a lovely green lush yard in Grand Junction. Okay honestly, most of the lushness of my yard came from crabgrass which I was constantly battling, because it encroached on everything and I did find it quite irritating the way it could choke out my vegetables. But I had mature trees for shade and flowering bushes to give color and ambiance. Oh and shade for the dogs on hot summer days.

Now, while several people around me, have trees and pools, I have a dirt brown yard with two sheds a half of a swing set, where I grow stickers and weeds and am trying to grow bermuda grass.
How Ironic that I'm missing my crabgrass. Even my dogs don't like to tread in the back dirt. They tiptoe along the edges.

People say that this move is a blessing. I know God's hand is in it, he orchestrated every step. I realize sometimes we all need to get out of our ruts. Frankly, I didn't look at my trailer as a rut. And I miss it.

But in all honesty, here is Arizona, I'm praying for those Springs in the Desert the Lord promises, and I am trying to look at this move as a new and awesome adventure. I believe the Lord has plans for me, Jeremiah 29: 11 isn't my favorite verse for nothing. I believe the Lord has something wonderful for me and mine, I'm just having a bit of a time seeing it.

And though I'm trying to envision how I can change this drab landscape behind my house, and everyone keeps telling me you settle in everything will be okay, I'm still prone to shed a tear for the world I left behind. I bought a couple of trees and some oleander, but rose- colored glasses don't change much when your surveying a dirt yard. I just don't want my life to become that dirt yard, I want the color, the vividness of life. I want this desert to flower.

I'm praying for all the Lord has in store for me and what he wants for me to do. I'm praying for his grace and mercy with me. I know being here will give me more outlets for my writing and since I have a new contract for three books through Desert Breeze Publishing, that is a good thing. I know my husband didn't have work in Grand Junction and moving here gave him the opportunity to continue working on planes like he loves to. Two of my children even moved here as well. Though I still miss the son I left behind, and my grandchildren too. I am settling. I think I am.

But let's be honest, when the mercury hits 117 and I feel like I'm in a sweat tent, and I have to trip out across my back dirt yard just so my dogs will take the plunge into the heat, I find I miss my home in Colorado.

I miss my rut.